Speak Up Without Freaking Out: The Assertive Communication Skill Every Leader Needs

Okay, quick one…

Have you ever walked out of a meeting like, “Ugh. I should’ve said that thing. WHY didn’t I?”

Maybe you even had the perfect words in your head... but your mouth went on a coffee break. ☕😅

If that’s ever been you — yep, same — let’s talk about something most leadership books whisper about but don’t really teach: Assertive Communication.

No, it’s not about being bossy. Or loud. Or throwing around “as per my last email” like it’s a ninja star. 🥷

It’s about being clear, respectful, and unapologetically YOU.

❌ The Problem? You're Not "Too Quiet"... You're Just Not Using Assertiveness

Let’s break it down real quick:

• Non-Assertive You: stays quiet, avoids friction, ends up eating resentment sandwiches every day for lunch 🍞😬

• Aggressive You: talks over everyone, throws your weight around, maybe wins the argument but loses the room

• Assertive You: speaks with calm clarity, earns respect, and actually gets things DONE 🙌

So, no — you’re not “too nice.” You’re just playing the wrong communication card.

🧠 The Power Framework: How to Sound Assertive (Not Aggressive)

Let’s keep this simple. Next time you’re about to chicken out in a convo, use this:

1. Know What You Want Before You Talk
Ask yourself:

• What do I want to say?

• What outcome do I need?

• What am I NOT okay with?

Now say it like this:
👉 “I want to shift this deadline to next week to protect my team’s capacity.”

Boom. Clear. Calm. Human.

2. Use the DESC Script.
This is gold. Try this: “When I get last-minute changes (D), I feel rushed (E). I need 24 hours’ notice (S), or delivery might get delayed (C).”

It’s like a sandwich of facts + feelings + needs. And guess what? It works.

3. Ditch the Damn Apologies
No more: “Sorry, but I have a thought…”

Replace it with: “I’d like to add something here.”

You’re not interrupting. You’re participating.

4. Silence is Power
After you speak, don’t rush to fill the silence. Hold it. Let it sit. Let them squirm a little. That’s where the impact brews.

💡 Real Talk: How Jacinda Ardern Led with Assertive Calm

Let’s talk about Jacinda Ardern, former Prime Minister of New Zealand — aka the masterclass in assertive leadership.

When COVID hit and the world was spiraling, Ardern didn’t go full authoritarian. She also didn’t sit back waiting for a consensus. What she did instead? Assertive clarity.

She jumped on Facebook Lives (yep, in a hoodie, with zero fluff) and calmly laid out the game plan: “Here’s what’s happening. Here’s why. And here’s what we’re asking you to do.”

No shouting. No vague political jargon. Just real, empathetic, decisive communication.

And people listened. Not because she demanded obedience — but because she communicated with confidence and care.

That’s the magic of assertive leadership. It builds trust. It creates alignment. And it doesn’t require you to become someone else — just a clearer version of you.


🎯 24-Hour Challenge (Because Reading Isn’t Enough)

✅ Pick ONE person or meeting where you’ve been too passive
✅ Write what you wish you’d said using the DESC script
✅ Practice it out loud. Yes, out loud. To your mirror or to me if you’re feeling meta 😎
✅ Use one assertive sentence in your next meeting. Just one.

No drama. No long monologues. Just say the thing.

Book Reco for the Extra Curious 📚
“Crucial Conversations” by Patterson, Grenny & Switzler — solid gold for navigating tricky conversations without melting down.

Assertiveness isn’t a talent. It’s a tool.

Use it. Sharpen it. Watch people finally start listening.

You’ve got this 💪